Sunday, January 04, 2009

Easy On The Sauce, Cupcake, This Is Serious

Happy New Year to all our readers, amazingly there's still a few of you out there, despite the sparsity of updates in the last few months. Unsure to what sort of degree that will change in 2009, but here's a few links to get things kickstarted and see where it takes us.

853 describes Ladytron's Velocifero (our favourite album of 2008 lest ye forget) as a damb squib, but gets most other things right reporting from the frontline of south-east London.

I Am The Crime is a cool Swedish music blog run by hot Swedish music blogger Cecilia.

Robyn Wilder reveals her Top 10 embarrassing childhood crushes. Includes Dudley Moore dressed as an elf - there's hope for Dead Kenny yet then, eh Robyn?

Meanwhile, an interesting art blog - At The Moment.

West Ham's Congolese left-back Herita Ilunga also has blog (albeit in French, malheuresement).

Matt Smith has been announced as the new Dr Who. We saw Matt in That Face at the Royal Court just over 18 months ago, and he's a talented actor with a lot of energy who should do well.

The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2008 (NOT SAFE FOR WORK) features a heavy smattering of former TV actresses like Neve Campbell, Mischa Barton and Eliza Dushku (gesundheit!).

Heather Locklear's mugshot. What would TJ Hooker say?

Worth seeking out on DVD...Alan Rudolph's surreal cartoonish romantic thriller Trouble In Mind available on R2 for the first time.

And finally...the results of the Music Bloggers Poll of Polls are in and again 7 of our Top 10 made the cut. Thanks again to Simon for compiling the chart.

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Monday, August 04, 2008

Manic Mondo

Because the internet would just be boryn without a bit of Robyn, we start off this Monday mini-mitherpiece with some self-styled self-regarding nonsense from the suddenly big and bossy Ms Wilder. Titbits include revelations about wandering through London with her blouse undone to the waist, but it's not just blogging ninja divas who suffer from wardrobe malfunctions, as Rihanna shows in this set of dubious-safety-for-work photos, proving that not even an umbrella (ella, ella, ella) could hide your blushes when it's that nippy out.

Raising our eyes from the gutters to the stars somewhat, Warren Ellis gives a sceptical glance back at speccy sci-fi boffin Joe 90 (via LMG) and Carl Hiassen's Lucky You is being adapted for the British stage. Elsewhere, various bods recall this year's Indietracks; On Dancefloors is a Bristol music blog with a funky attitude; In Pictures: Kate Bush is 50 and, remember Cardiff pop kids, Tell The Police The Truth.

Bloggers don't so much fade away as they do diversify, a case in point being Creepy Lesbo's Slash Media (NOT SAFE FOR WORK) in which she samples some of modern pop culture's gashtronomic delights. Skin Flicks is much more safe for work, although as he considers himself to be a very angry man and is found pleading for fallen women to be shown to him, maybe due caution should be shown after all.

Meanwhile, the undisputed star of Bristol's Dot-to-Dot, the inimitable Big Jeff, has MySpace.

And wherever else your browser points you, remember, Jesus Can See!

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Thursday, August 23, 2007

August Journal

When Michele decided to desert us to travel to the end of the earth known as New Zealand one thing we made absolutely clear was that we'd never ever forget her birth-D'OH! Erm, happy birthday Michele for Monday just gone. And to Dave and Nadean for earlier this month, too. Also, if we remember correctly it's also birthday week this week for Phill and Robyn. If there's anyone not mentioned, don't think of it that I've forgotten, just consider it an opportunity to be proactive and give yourself a good old shout-out in the comments box below.

Sheesh, I know too many Leos. Going to have to put a lion bar on future acquaintances, for sure.

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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

More Postings About Poo, Bosoms And Cock

Robyn Wilder: some might say the very epitome of self-regarding, self-styled blogging iconoclasts exploring an online fantastic voyage inside their own amiotic fluids. Which may or may not be true, but she *is* well fit so we still like her and continue to keep her on our Christmas Card list for that merest whisker of reflected glamour she shines upon our lives. Which is all but a clumsy bumble in the way of introducing her shiny new blog, which includes (frolicing follicles!) a rather fetching picture of our heroine with hair in her teeth.

We'll be sure to bookmark Wilder's reunion to the internet, if only 'cos we can't be RSS'd to subscribe to the feed.

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Sunday, February 25, 2007

Out Robyn

Clearly the way to get invited to swanky and select film previews on the basis of being a highly influential blogger is just to stop updating for 8 months. We're referring, bien sur, to the inimitable Robyn Wilder, who promised she would be less invisible in 2006 before promptly disappearing (oh, how very Murakami of her), but is now back and reviewing the film adaptation of Frank Miller's 300.

Right then, we're downing tools until Xmas when we'll be back with a video exclusive of a cosy fireside chat between your highly-under-the-influence blogger and Thomas Pynchon. Possibly.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

My Cosmic August Cock-Up

Just back from a day and a bit at the Reading Rock Festival (a review should be forthcoming by the weekend). Due to herculean levels of inactivity on this website belated birthday greetings are due to Dave; Michele and Robyn. We know it's rude to discuss a woman's age, but hey, Dead Kenny is a rude boy (well, he's got a few Specials records if *that* counts) so mention should be made that by his calculation, everyone's favourite ninja polymath has hit a certain flirtysomething landmark this time around. So if you see anyone resembling a blueish ninja polymath on the Underground we're sure she'll appreciate random public transport platitudes such as 'it's how old you feel that counts'. Appreciate it, that is, by fixing you with her dead-eyed ninja polymath stare that will stop you stone cold in your tracks. But erm... it'll be an interesting way to go.

Yet everyone's entitled to one last request, so here's mine: Swedes Please!

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Blank Holiday Madness

So you might have noticed no updates since last weekend, was going to make an announcement about this to warn you, but read Twenty Major's recent post (sustained use of immoderate language makes this possibly NSFW) and decided against it.

Bank Holiday Mondays then - a good opportunity for an all-day breakfast; catching up with that saucy Chaucer chappy; reading a new Haruki Murakami short story then popping down to the shops to end up getting Broke by London's Captain, which is a rather sweet, tuneful boy/girl harmonising ballad that's like Paris Angels if they hadn't discovered drugs. That may not be the best sell in the world, but Dead Kenny likes it, and thus let the records show that it's verily Parallax View Single Of The Week.

We also have the following things to say (in no particular order) -

BoJo's back! Penman too, kind of. Meanwhile, Robyn Wilder's intermittent mitherings continue to tease and intrigue like the possible permutations of metatarsal fracture recovery times. And while we're getting blogged down in the usual interwebnet nonsense, happy 30th birthday to CreepyLesbo (possibly NSFW)! Oh, and mustn't forget to mention the newish blog of a not-so-curt Russ L who, amongst other things, goes to gigs in around Birmingham and writes about them intelligently (hope nobody expects that trend to catch on here).

A Sudden death always shocks, so cheer yourself up a little by downloading mp3s of 70s soul and funk classics at Number One Song In Heaven or by gazing at pretty pictures of classy Danish chanteuse Tina Dico.

Elsewhere, Wakefield's Piskie Sits now have their own proper website sorted out, and Camera Obscura have been slipped into the Summer Sundae schedule. CO's next single is 'Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken' which is a rather engaging rejoinder (albeit 22 years after the fact) to Lloyd Cole and the Commotions' 'Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken?' and it's out in stores of varying degrees of usefulness and integrity on May 15. Hmm, I wonder if there'll be some comments added to this post in 22 years time? What do you reckon?

In other music news, Parallax View's favourite bespectacled skinny Norwegian Erlend Oye has a new project, The Whitest Boy Alive. Also back to the fray is Jon Clough, former singer/guitarist with ill-fated PV faves Medium 21, who is working under the name of Liars Lake. Blimey, even Rick Witter's on the comeback trail...

Finally, Supersonic 06 features the likes of Michael Gira and Broadcast, and hopefully this time no full city centre evacuations.

Still bored? View the trailer for the 3rd X-Men movie here.

As you were, then.

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Four Play

Well, gave all that making babies business up for a bad job (it was a Sperm Bank Holiday, would you believe) but by way of recompense I have been tagged by Robyn which is all very well but a bit like playing kisschase without the kissing, if you ask Dead Kenny.

So I'm *it* apparently (but haven't I been telling you all this for at least 5 years now?) which means you get to read this -

Four jobs I've had: Social Worker; Relationship Counsellor; Lavatory Cleaner; Money Lender (although Dead Kenny is still awaiting payment for all these occupational hazards).

Four movies I can watch over and over: Mulholland Drive; Existenz; The Man Who Fell To Earth; The Birds. (you may find the search function over at imdb.com ever so useful)

Four places I've lived: Cleveleys; Poulton-Le-Fylde; Preston; La La Land.

Four TV shows I love: I don't really love any current TV shows as such but I've been known to have the occasional casual fling with Match Of The Day (on a day when West Ham win); The L Word; Bodies and Peep Show.

Four places I've been on holiday: New York; Madrid; Stockholm; Lisbon.

Four of my favourite dishes: Sausage and chips; lamb rogan jhosh and pilau rice; cheese on toast; Robyn Wilder.

Four sites I visit daily: I Love Everything/Music; Compost; BBC News and Drowned In Sound.

Four places I'd rather be right now: C'mon cats! It's not where you are, it's where you're at.

Four bloggers I am tagging: Guess what? As Britain's most anti-social blogger Dead Kenny is BREAKING THE CHAIN! Stay tuned to discover what awful bad luck befalls him in the process! Will Four Play lead to Foul Play as the Playground Mystery deepens?!!

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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Robyn Wilder...Revealed!

Amongst other forthcoming attractions in 2006 it seems we can all look forward to seeing much more of everyone's favourite diminutive ninja polymath than we ever imagined possible. Robyn's raised her profile amongst [pull your own silly faces here] 'the blogging community' with a personal review of 2005 which beautifully details the year she became less invisible.

Trying to push aside tired old cynicism that this lack-of-invisibility schtick will only last until it's her time to get the round in again, we're just glad those platform shoes we sent her for Xmas have made such a positive difference to her life so soon.

On an even less serious note, Dead Kenny has been suitably inspired by the concept that he plans to make 2006 the year he becomes indivisible (he's not a free man, he's a prime number etc.).

Talking of which, what's your dangerous idea?

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Monday, October 17, 2005

Heads We Win

Didn't make it out to a gig on John Peel Day (last Thursday) although I reckon with two-dozen concerts already to my name this year (plus attendant reviews) I've done my bit to fuel the local musical economy. I did, however, get a hold of a copy of the latest Fall album, Fall Heads Roll, a decision which I'm sure would have met with the veteran disc-slinger's approval. It took two or three listens for your correspondent to get his head around it, but now I'm coming to the view that it's the most consistently impressive Mark E Smith product since the Parlophone years of the early 90s.

Although the record flirts with waltz (opener 'Ride Away') and lo-fi country ('Midnight In Aspen') there's not much in the way of musical innovation on here, the band opting instead for a scuzzy and stripped-down garage rock sound. Enormous bass riffs abound on stunning centrepiece 'Blindness' and tracks like 'Assume' and 'Youwanner' while the cover of 'I Can Hear The Grass Grow' shows that the old boy really can hold a tune (just about, anyway) when he puts his mind to it. Elsewhere, the louche rumble of 'Pacifying Joint' and the insanely catchy Harold Shipman-referencing 'What About Us?' are further additions to the great man's classic canon of songs.

It's certainly a dark and disturbing record, the musical equivalent of a night where you fall in with dubious company and head for a club, pretty sure someone's going to end up having their face pummelled with a fire extinuisher and praying to God it's not going to be you. Pitchfork reckon it's all about drugs, a proposition they put to Mark E Smith in a classic exchange -

Pitchfork: Here's something I want to throw at you. This is this reading I've been doing of the album as I listen to it. I'm seeing a thematic link-- maybe this speaks to the thread you were talking about-- between "Pacifying Joint," "What About Us?," and "I Can Hear the Grass Grow." They've all got these drug references in them, and you can even sort of trace a high from looking for pot in "Pacifying Joint" to copping in "What About Us," to euphoria and paranoia in "I Can Hear the Grass Grow," and you can take it further to spaced-out tranquility in "Midnight in Aspen"...

MES: Yeah.


You can read the full interview here.

Postcript: I'm working on a woefully overdue full album review compendium of my July/August purchases which should be ready by the end of the week. In the meantime, you might want to check out a collaborative music site between Ben (who's got his fingers in so many website pies he'll pretty soon not have enough digits left to perform the Trout Task Replica) and Jonathan called The Art Of Noise. Meanwhile, Sweeping The Nation has a pretty comprehensive review of this week's singles and albums releases.

In other blogging news, congratulations are due to Graybo and the no-doubt-long-suffering Hels on their first wedding anniversary.

And, finally, Robyn announces that her life is a dartboard. On the doubles again, dear?

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Sunday, September 11, 2005

Girl-Shaped Redefined?

It's a well-known piece of unsubstantiated and malicious gossip that the hugely popular singer-songwriter Kate Bush eats like a pig and balloons to 22 stone between albums. So I was wondering does the same apply to female bloggers and their spectacular and always distressing 'hiatus' periods? In other words, does 'hiatus' actually mean 'I ate the entire range of deli counter products at Waitrose and can't bear to be in front of the webcam until a steady regimen of sex and exercise gets me back into some sort of shape'?

Maybe we should ask Robyn Wilder, back to entertain us via some swanky smartphone technology with her endearing attempts to seem hip and happening while guzzling champagne, eating chocolate peanuts and watching bad TV. Robyn promises that things could soon get 'big, fat and interesting' and with all that conspicuous consumption of gnocchi and red wine, frankly we're not surprised. Perhaps the signs are already there in the picture of her seductively draped across the sofa, her midriff cunningly obscured by a strategically-placed cushion. Robyn says she's 'eager to meet [our] tender urgent needs' (which is well-rounded-girl-in-a-club talk, if we ever heard it) so our urgent request is -

'Show us the tummy, honey!'*

*LEGAL DISCLAIMER: PARALLAX VIEW LIKES WOMEN OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES, PARTICULARLY THOSE WHO REGULARLY DISPLAY CUTE AND NINJA-LIKE PERSONALITY TRAITS. THIS LINE OF ENQUIRY IS PURELY FOR INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM PURPOSES AND A THINLY-DISGUISED ATTEMPT TO FATTEN UP AN OTHERWISE STANDARD BLOGGING SHOUT-OUT. RETALIATORY COMMENTS ABOUT THE SIZE OF DEAD KENNY'S BREASTS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS IF YOU WANT TO LIVE TO BE 31! EITHER THAT, OR WE'LL TAKE THE PISS OUT OF YOUR SHAKIRA RECORDS.

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Sunday, April 17, 2005

And You Will Know Me By My Trail Of Snot

Sorry for the lack of updates recently, and the slight postponement of the third installment in the Album Review Compendium. This has been partly due to spending a large part of the weekend drowning in a river of my own mucus. The poor cat is still refusing to come down from atop the tallest cupboard in the house until she's sure that the ghastly green ooze has gone away for good. I guess this is payback time for teasing the (temporarily?) departed Robyn about her never-ending litany of minor ailments, as in her absence I am turning into the sickliest blogger on the block.

Still, enough about me: what do you think this is, a diary page? And yet there are still people who ask what it is that Dead Kenny does all day except read the best books, listen to the best music and watch the best DVDs around. The answer, sadly, is plenty, but 95% is pretty dull and the 5% that isn't I'm keeping schtum about until my autobiography (what, you mean you're a blogger without a book deal? How 2002!).

But occasionally my online persona and real life does co-incide, so perhaps you're due a brief account of Friday night when I descended into the bacchalanian brouhaha of Birmingham's beerhalls with Ben and Andy to help console Vicky on the unfortunate misjudgement of buying a ticket to go and see Kaiser Chiefs. Talking of the Chiefs, did you see their witless performance on Popworld on C4? They're not remotely funny and seem to have nothing to say whatsoever: Ricky Wilson & Co. aren't even to fit to lick Damon Albarn's boots, let alone kiss Jarvis Cocker's arse. And yes, I'm only being vaguely complementary (relatively speaking) about the ex-Blur frontman because you have to feel a little bit compassionate about somebody who forms a cartoon franchise to sell faceless, catchy dancepop to unsuspecting kids and...the single can only droop into No. 22, three places behind the third single off the Interpol LP! Put your money on a tearful reunion with Graham Coxon by Xmas.

But anyway, where was I? Ah yes, Birmingham on a Friday night, when I was more full of phlegm than my usual vim, and indeed, vigour, and more bunged up than a Premiership manager with brown paper bags stitched into the lining of his designer trenchcoat. Was greeted at New Street at 8pm by a bevy of (predominantly Asian) babes who were doing a very good job of looking like they were waiting for relatives, but judging on some of their half-expectant glances in yours truly's direction, one suspects were actually there to greet their internet dates. One of those days then, when a crumpled copy of the NME and a room booking at The Burlington might have come in handy.

However, given that I was running late, and that I was feeling hungrier for food than ladylove for once, I headed straight for Burger King where I plumped for a Chicken Royale without 'the mill' option (I mean, who wants salt and pepper on their patty, ffs?). I seemed to be getting quite a bit of attention from the good ladies of Birmingham as I chomped down the cutprice chicken feast, although I realised later that I had overestimated my sexual allure and they were in fact looking at the sliver of lettuce and mayonnaise that had dripped down the front of my coat. Also got a bit anxious about the large gentleman hovering behind me with little regard for my personal space, so I edged away slowly as I'm all in favour of wealth distribution through an intelligently-managed taxation system, but don't want anyone shortcutting things out of my back pocket, thank you very much. He then looked at me in disgust as he indicated via his middle finger that he was merely trying to get a signal out of his mobile phone. Touchier than de-linked bloggers, some people, I tell you.

Moved on quickly to the pub where I spent the time waiting for Ben and Andy contemplating should I ever be fortunate enough to enjoy carnal relations with the foxy mixed-race barmaid, who exactly would be corrupting whom? My higher philosophical musings were then rudely interrupted by my erstwhile online chums who insisted on talking about political and cultural matters, albeit in the lucid and entertaining manner of which I'm sure many of you are familiar. Then moved on to a pub called The Wellington round the corner, which had a fine selection of real ales, where we met up with Vicky (far too attractive to be left in the hands of Scotsmen) and her excitable companion whose credibility evaporated the moment he revealed he was an Aston Villa fan.

I'm sure Vicky will give a detailed review of the Kaiser Chiefs debacle on her website (well, she'll have to, now, won't she?) but she did comment that she'd moved from being somewhere where she was clearly the oldest to a pub where she was just about the youngest. This prompted her companion to suggest we all, um, encamped, to a nearby gay club. Feeling much more in the mood for lemsip than leather chaps, and more determined than ever that the only thing to be shoved up my bum that night was Matron's thermometer, your correspondent politely declined but Ben and Andy responded with such surprising enthusiasm that maybe a turning point in their lives was on the horizon. I would, of course, have followed along with my notebook and cameraphone for blackmail purposes, but my train and duvet beckoned, and beyond that, the veritable flood of nasal detritus that would envelop the rest of my weekend.

So the last word of the evening went to Ben. 'Whatever else you do', he advised sternly after emerging from the gents to reveal a quick change into a rather fetching cowboy outfit*, 'don't write about this on your blog'.

Oh, heaven forbid.

*The real ale may have been getting to me at this point, fact fans.

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Friday, March 25, 2005

The Long Good Friday Post

Long-time readers, will, of course, know that this website used to be so much meta, and so for nostalgia's sake, having digested his annual consumption of those essential fish oils, Dead Kenny has averted his eyes from the wide world out there and taken a look around him on the internet for his usual diet of cheap thrills, salacious gossip and some outright lies.

And not a moment too soon, as it seems Robyn is mentally preparing to hang up her boots. This is what happens when you listen to too much QOTSA, you start losing the will to live, or at least to update your blog more than once a week. But as Kim Basinger memorably almost sang on that Was (Not Was) record 'you can't have the Orbyn without the cult'. Has she not realised yet that she isn't a sentient being but in fact a kooky member of the supporting cast that is the ongoing sitcom that is Dead Kenny's life?! And you know what happens when fictional characters start yearning for self-determination, don't we, readers? Yes, indeed, dodgy Woody Allen movies, that's what! Let this be a warning to all of you.

Meanwhile, Ben has also been defying orders by mixing with some real people, to the point of actually interviewing real-life celebrities. Well, if Richard Herring counts as a celebrity, that is, although I think he does, as students once found him funny back in the early nineties (I must have missed that show). Seriously, Richard gives some thoughtful and amusing replies to Ben's Gestapo-like questioning, and only bristles slightly at the mention of his favourite yoghurts. For the record, Dead Kenny's favourite was Muller's Raspberry Pavlova, which used to be appropriately teeth-rottingly sweet until it became strangely discontinued. Supermarket checkout staff have never pressed Dead Kenny on this matter, although they usually prefer to let security deal with him, anyway.

Over in the East Midlands, Phill's managed to stay near Nottingham for a couple of weeks now without being shot at once, who'd have thought? The prospect of dicing with imminent death on a daily basis has brought out his most productive spell of blogging for some time, including some film reviews as part of his important movie-pass experiment. Mind you, he's also able to cheat a little by getting his glamorous goth girlfriend Fincho to review Queen Adreena whilst he takes leering photographs up the lead singer's micro shorts. Nice work suitably noted.

Also muscling in on the gig review front is He Who Probably Has Already Been Named and Shamed By Now, But Let's Keep Up The Pretence In The Vague Notion People Will Find It Faintly Amusing To Do So who gives us the live lowdown on Rilo Kiley and The Arcade Fire. There are no leering photos of Jenny Lewis, though. Try harder, O Nameless One!

Elsewhere, the official Reading Festival Line-Up has been announced. Think Dead Kenny'll be giving it a miss, this year. They apparently decided to book Iron Maiden having seen so many people wearing their t-shirts last year. This seems incredibly naive to believe that the number of people who wear these t-shirts equates in any way to the amount of people who actually buy and listen to their records, but 'presumably' they know what they're doing.

Still, depression about rock festival line-ups can be nicely put into perspective by the distressing reports that allege Gail Porter tried to top herself after failing to cope with the shame of being dumped by some bloke called Dan from Toploader. Well, you've gotta admit, she's got a point*.

You see, Gail, if only you could keep yourself entertained by thinking up football teams entirely composed of people with rude-sounding names things could work out so differently...

(*Legal disclaimer: Suicide is rarely painless, particularly for those left behind - Parallax View Health Dept.)

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Sunday, February 27, 2005

Show Bis Gossip (And Other Stories)

We interrupt the ongoing slog-athon blog-athon that is the Album Review Compendium juggernaut to bring a few timely bits and pieces. First up, we don't want you getting ideas that this weekend's update frenzy is a portent for things to come, as it just happens to be the last weekend before payday and an executive decision was made to finish some outstanding online business while the opportunity was there. Stay tuned over the next few nights for the concluding installments, which include Dead Kenny's verdicts on new releases by LCD Soundsystem and The Others plus more. Hey now, steady on with the anticipation and leave those cuticles alone!

Talking of cute ickles, diminutive Ninja warrior Robyn Wilder has given herself a redesign so hot she's had to place a pic of a thermostat on the front page to save your browser from exploding. All of this achieved while coping with the usual litany of feverish symptoms as well. Dontcha just love it when the sickly are so productive: it's British stoicism in full effect. Innit? She'll be writing a bestseller next, mark our words (um, 3 out of 10 for punctuation, as usual - pedantic copy ed.).

Congratulations are due to another long-time PV supporter as Arseblogger celebrates the 3rd birthday of his Gooners blog today, which is currently enjoying more success than the football team, it has to be said.

While we're issuing out plaudits, Halle Berry may well have her knockers etc. but no-one can say she isn't a good sport. Her acceptance speech, a parody of her celebrated Monster's Bawl at the Academy Awards, earned ripples of applause from the Golden Raspberries audience.

Let's hope The Fantastic Four movie ends up better than Catwoman, otherwise things could get decidly Grimm at 20th Century Fox. While we wait to find out, get your orange rocks off watching the impressive trailer (requires Quicktime, and, possibly, a Human Torch-proof firewall). Playing Reed Richards will prove a real stretch for that Welsh actor whose name we've got no intention of attempting to spell.

One film we can vouch for though is PV's favourite film from 2004, Old Boy, which is out on Region 0 DVD with additional double-disc goodness from tomorrow (Feb 28th). Perhaps not an ideal Mother's Day gift (which is next Sunday in the UK, fact fans) what with its' live squid eating; clawhammer massacres; psychological torture; psychosexual revelations and other sundry surreal shenanigans, so treat yourself before ordering the usual flowers, chocolates, etc. for the old dear.

Further album reviews to follow, and as we are near the halfway mark on this particular feature, and as it used to be traditional for oranges to be dished out to players during soccer match intervals, we leave you with the news segment that Manda Rin and her old Bis cohorts are back and intent on creating their own Data Panik.

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Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Pattern Recognition

The question on at least one person's lips since the publishing sensation of the second week in January hit the stores is: can Robyn Wilder and Belle de Jour be [gasp]...one and the same person? Modest to the last, Ms Wilder insists that although she's indeed truffle-y versatile, the Jimmy Choos simply don't fit. Indeed, my confidant (heretofore known as Sore Throat) can exclusively debunk this crackpot theory with the argument that no-one who seems to throw so many sickies could ever moonlight as a working girl. No, the sad fact is Robyn's public school but NOT a streetwalker. Phew! Dead Kenny's piggybank is safe for a little while longer, then.

Of course, with Sore Throat's assistance, Dead Kenny has his own theories about the true identity of Belle de Jour, and a Rob Beasley-style dossier awaits whichever desperate broadsheet offers the most readies (he needs money fast if he's ever going to afford the Editors single which is already fetching £25 just a week after selling out within a couple of hours).

In an entirely unrelated matter, just as we thought we'd never underestimate Brooke's ubiquity, she pulls the rug once more on our preconceptions. The pathologist-DNA boffin-rowing fiend-short story writer has more hyphenates than any other Floridian outside of a Carl Hiassen novel but are we being a knit wit or can we now add another career sobriquet: that of war criminal? Consider the evidence of her post dated 30 January: 'Crocheting an afghan. Will post pics soon.' 'Fess up, who knew she'd transferred to Gu@nt@n@mo? Let's just hope she doesn't take the pics for processing down the High Street or she could find herself getting well and truly stitched up...

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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Rock Fans Bemoan The Cousteau Living

From the I-remember-when-it-used-to-be-fields-around-here dept.: Reading always was something of a dive but this is ridiculous as my plans for the upcoming weekend remain fluid following severe flood warnings for the annual rock festival. Organisers are apparently warning that entry on site will only be permissable on production of a bronze swimming certificate and full scuba gear, as the car parking area has been submerged into the River Thames. JG Ballard and Maggie Gee have been drafted in as emergency MCs for the event, and Morrissey is believed to be relieved that his fans' flowers will get a good watering. Me, I'm only going in the hope that those White Stripes come out in the wash as Stingray fans and dress up in Troy Tempest and (Aqua) Marina costumes respectively.

Speaking of emerging from Berks with credit, happy birthday to dear Robyn.

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Wednesday, June 30, 2004



(via Neilalien)

Meanwhile, check out Bobbie's chocolate-orange redesign over at The Blast! where yours truly has his ugly mug in the rogues' gallery. It's kinda like being on Celebrity Squares, except it isn't really. Still, probably represents my only chance of being underneath Brooke and Robyn at the same time, so better make the most of it, I guess...

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Saturday, June 26, 2004

B(l)ogwatch

With Ben busy this weekend no doubt having a muddy marvellous time at Glastonbury, I thought I would take on the Blogwatch remit in his absence and find out what those blogging blighters are up to. After all, it beats talking about the football with England yet again snatching a hard-luck story from the jaws of victory in their Euro 2004 quarter-final against Portugal. For the Portugese fan's perspective, Eduardo offers a terse rebuttal to any tabloid suggestions that England 'wuz robbed' and links to the pretty damning match statistics which back his case all too depressingly. Ed reserves his strongest criticism though to the also departing French who 'played like crap, as if paying the French supporters a favour. Oh well, their loss. Nobody likes them much, actually.'

For my last ever mention about football on this site (or at least until a team I support actually wins an important game), Martin from The Copydesk is responsible for Portugoal a BBC website aimed at providing irreverent Euro2004 fun for fans of teams that didn't qualify (ie. the Scots).

Meanwhile, Paulos and Marcia have both resumed updating within a few days of each other, following lengthy absences. Worth a completely unsubstantiated rumour, anyone?

You have to give that Excuse Me For Laughing fella some credit; there's not that many bloggers that do requests these days, but at my behest, he has delivered a clarification on his views on Helen Walsh's Brass. You know, between me and you, I think he quite likes the book, really: it's a bit like when you were at school and you tortured a girl's pets rather than talk to her (what? you never did that? really?). WARNING, though: not all bloggers come good on requests, three years on and there's still no sign of Brooke's polaroids. (I'm not quite sure when an attempt at a running joke actually crosses the line into stalking but I think I probably passed said line some time ago :-o)

Of course, Wimbledon is entering its second week, which naturally means undue attention paid to the Russian women players, including Maria Sharapova's cleavage courtesy of Uncle Grambo.

I opted not to go to the Radio 4 gig in Birmingham on Monday as it clashed with the England v Croatia game, Phill from Danger! High Postage! took the opposite decision and provides a thoughtful review. Talking of good music, Large Hearted Boy has revealed his best XI albums of the year to date. I'll be delivering my own half-term report in the next couple of weeks, as I know all too well your life will lack direction without my studious assistance on these matters.

In brief, Anja's offline for a while moving house, we're busy hiding from Robyn (don't tell her, you spoilsports!); Graybo is industriously scribbling out his wedding invites; Danish correspondent John Fogde has confessed to getting freaked out by women getting intense about football, and this just in - Emma's on fire.

As you were, then.

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Saturday, April 10, 2004

Book Review Compendium

One of the more beneficial side-effects of this winter's wrist fracture was the additional time I had available to devour some literature. So, some book reviews are overdue, and here's a brisk round-up.

To start off, I took the opportunity to read the remainder of Chuck Palahniuk's fiction, which perversely were his first two books, Fight Club and Survivor. Fight Club I'd left 'til last as I was so familiar with the film, but the book's still worth a read as just about all that was good in the film comes from the source material, the big twist makes more sense on page than it did on film, and Palahniuk manages to streamline the plot into just over 200 pages compared to the 2hr+ running time of the movie. Survivor is arguably Chuck at his best - a controlled piece of nihilism where all his stylistic tics and devices are present and correct but never feel gratuitous. If you're new to Palahniuk, it's as good a place to start as any.

Next up was Black Heat by Norman Kelley (a book I discovered via The Pinocchio Theory), the first in a series of 'political noir' books featuring a sassy bisexual private investigator by the name of Nina Halligan. It's quite a serious book, fiercely literate and primarily concerned with black politics, only partially offset by the old pulp standby of a hilariously escalating bodycount and titillation provided by the sapphic subtext that appears to underpin all of the relationships between the female characters. Sometimes the apollonian and dionysian elements mix a little uneasily, but the slightly unusual material and deliciously ripe dialogue mean I'll be investigating the further adventures of Ms. Halligan in the two subsequent sequels.

I'll own up, I bought Shot by Sarah Quigley because I liked the shade of blue on the cover (no, really). But these things can be a better indicator than you think, as it proved to be a good and unusual read. The central character is a young woman who has drifted through life pleasing other people, a sad and serious person who has somehow carved a successful career as a stand-up comedian. When she's shot in the ear after being caught in the crossfire of a drive-by shooting, she re-assesses her life, withdraws from an unsatisfactory relationship and takes herself off to Alaska where she learns to re-engage with life on her own terms. It's one of those books that's a little off-kilter and you're never quite sure where it's going to lead, and the resolution is poignant and genuinely moving. There's also a great supporting character in Delayed Reaction Davey, the academically-bright brother who's otherwise a little slow on the uptake. I'll admit it, I related to him.

Falling Out Of Cars was my first introduction to the work of Mancunian sci-fi author Jeff Noon, and I found it a fascinating read, the literary equivalent of a David Lynch movie with its seemingly endless puzzles and curiosities as a woman sets out on an enigmatic quest through a Britain stricken by a bizarre, unnamed disease. Many will be frustrated to the point of fury by Noon's refusal to provide obvious conclusions to the smoke and mirrors on display, but that's exactly what I really liked about it. And for a 400+ page book, I rattled through it in double-quick time. It's like an Alice In Wonderland for the cyberpunk generation, but apparently all his books are like that.

On the back of FOOC, I also read the same author's Needle In The Groove which is one of the few books that I've ever read right through in one sitting. But while I enjoyed reading it, I was ultimately left a little disappointed by the rather pat way all the loose ends of the plot were tied up in the second half of the book, although I concede that this will make it more accessible to the average reader. Whereas Falling Out Of Cars was fizzing with a whole range of ideas, Needle In The Groove features just one main sci-fi conceit, the ability to mix music by artfully manipulating a spherical object (a kind of 'shake'n'track', if you will) which also propels its protagonists back in time to exorcise the demons that have a miserablist hold on the Manchester music scene. It's a bold and ambitious work, and despite some reservations, no book with a gratuitous mention of New Fast Automatic Daffodils can be all bad, can it?

And so to Zadie Smith and The Autograph Man her popular follow-up to the wildly acclaimed, multi-award-winning White Teeth. Now, before I start on this book, I'll take a deep breath and advise you I have nothing against Zadie and don't have a problem with the idea of a ultrahottie writing great literature (and to illustrate, despite reservations, I staunchly defenced Monica Ali's Brick Lane on this site last year). Perhaps the best thing that I can say about The Autograph Man is that it's a mildly entertaining read and I managed to get through to the end of it without throwing it in the bin. But. But. Buuuttt...

In my opinion, The Autograph Man is the least inspired book I've ever read from an author of note. There's the usual evidence of second novel syndrome in terms of use of pretentious stylistic 'innovations' but weirdly, that's the least of this book's problems. It's a Nick Hornby novel written by someone with apparently nil insight into the male psyche, and a self-proclaimed 'funny' book which didn't make me laugh once (and I laugh out loud at least once to completely serious books with no jokes in whatsoever). People write that The Autograph Man was influenced by the McSweeneys school of thought, but I think McDonalds would be nearer the mark as I found the book a literary equivalent to a bland patty coated in cheap ketchup, served up with casual indifference poorly disguised as an eagerness to please. The result? A book as generic and uninviting as viagra spam. If only I could turn back time and delete before opening.

Ted Mooney: plenty to be big-headed aboutJust a hunch, but I'm guessing Ted Mooney doesn't get hit upon in bars anywhere near as much as Zadie, so he gets much more time to fully observe human moves. His first novel, Easy Travel To Other Planets really struck a nerve with me in the early 80's, so when I found out that he'd written another couple of books that hadn't been published in the UK, I rooted them out via Amazon. Traffic and Laughter has a truly hideous cover, but is a fantastic read and covers the way TV and movies affect the way we interact with others with much more depth, colour and style than Ms. Smith. There are escapist, soap operatic elements to the book's plot (which features glamourous, articulate characters caught in dramatic, politically-charged intrigue) but Mooney's obsessive attention to detail and ability to weave an intricate, ominous plot makes for better brain food than any book I've read since Pynchon's Mason and Dixon. You feel a smarter, more perceptive person for reading the book, just as it should be.


His next book, Singing Into The Piano, similarly makes parallels between the political and personal, but rather than the tentative moves and countermoves of international diplomacy in Traffic and Laughter, here the high-risk strategies of a Mexican soccer hero-turned-presidential candidate are mirrored by the sexual opportunism displayed by a charismatic American couple with whom his personal and political destiny become intertwined. It's a slightly more accessible book than its predecessor in that it's a lighter read, with a less complex narrative and a more intimate cast of characters. I found these characters a little less likeable this time around as it was hard to feel too much sympathy/empathy with people who take such ludicrous chances with their lives. Nevertheless, it's a tense, unsettling book which keeps you guessing right to the end as to how things are going to turn out. I rate this overlooked author so much I think I'm going to start an internet cult - The Mooneys, anyone? Nah, you're right, it'll never catch on.

Robyn kindly bought me Twilight Girls which combines two vintage pulp books from Paula Christian. The first book features the coming out of a vivacious air stewardess as she struggles to define her sexuality following the attentions of a pert colleague, while the follow-up is a darker psychological study of the stewardess spiralling into a nervous breakdown under the intensity of the ensuing relationship. It's good juicy pulp, light on titillation but surprisingly heavy on introspection, providing a good insight into the era (late 50s/early 60s) and some fascinating detail for those with an interest in the early years of commercial air transport.

Zoe Heller's Notes On A Scandal has been selling well on the back of last year's Booker Prize shortlisting, and it's worthy of the attention. It tells the story of an affair between a naive schoolteacher and her young pupil through the eyes of a bitter spinster colleague whose mean-spirited and dismissive observations of the other staff provide much of the surprising belly-laughs contained within. Nevertheless, it's a uniquely British book with a grim, chilling climax that lingers like cold sweat on a clammy grey evening.

Finally, Percival Everett's Erasure isn't a biography of Vince Clark, Andy Bell and co., but a serious and intelligent fiction which examines how easily verisimilitude can be faked. It's high-minded, ambitious stuff but written in a crisp and stylish manner, featuring an intellectual black author who writes a piece of derivative ghetto pulp as a rebuke to the publishing industry, only to find the book a runaway success. Everett was apparently asked whether or not Erasure was autobiographical, to which he replied with genuine incredulity 'Have you actually read the book?!'

Still eager for more guff about books? Check out The Bookclub Blog.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Blog Snorkelling

Spoke too soon, it seems, about Easyspace's infernal servers, so who knows when you'll actually get around to reading this. But I thought in the meantime, it was long overdue for me to take a glance around the blogging scene to see what some of the others are up to as 2004 starts to kick into gear. Best place to start is perhaps the announcement of the Bloggie nominees for 2004 and congratulations are due to James, Francis, Belle and Bookslut for making the cut from my blogroll.

But it's not all dishing out awards and the nice stuff in life round here, you know. In fact, for some bloggers, 2004 has already got off to a shit start. Dear old Inspector Sands from Casino Avenue got mugged at the weekend, and as Parallax View takes assaults on a police officer seriously, we're appealing for witnesses. The Charlton mugger is clearly quite athletic as Sands was said to be shifting at the time. Things haven't been much better for Lindsay whose life started to resemble a Strokes album title when her appartment went to blazes, leaving the NYC hottie to blog from a temporary address. Hmm...blogspot, that's where I could be heading back to at this rate.

Still, Lindsay hasn't been short of a consoling arm or two in her moment of need, as these photos from a hip blogging party attest. From which, Audrey MelodyNelson deserves special attention, for being hotter than Africa. Those lips, those eyes, and a love for Interpol...it's just as well the Atlantic Ocean will save me from further embarrassment.

And I'm not gonna even begin to try to make sense of all the comings and goings over at Creepy Lesbo, but suffice to say she hates people right now, despite kissing Bitchface when she was seeing Fatfuck. Meanwhile Robyn enjoyed a lust-fuelled Christmas roaming the streets looking for last-minute contraception and has been guilt-racked so much since she's got herself a trendy new haircut to avoid identification. She also suggests a possible link between the dissappearance of Dan Venusberg and the rise of Franz Ferdinand, sounds barmy enough for there to be something in it. Congratulations to FF, btw, for getting to Number 3 in the pop charts with 'Take Me Out' - not that this should be too much of a surprise to regular readers here at PV as way back in November I was predicting Top 5 greatness for said track. Just occasionally, you know, I do know what I'm talking about.

Meanwhile, Brooke, not to be outdone, has been sharing a 17-year-old with a good friend and also gives us the heads up that Luke has returned to the blogging fray (and is talking about, guess who, Franz Ferdinand). Brooke's permalinks still don't seem to be working properly, though. Maybe they will when she moves things over to her new home.

Apologies for those I've missed, maybe I'll catch up with the next round-up. And as for me, I have a wisdom tooth problem. Feel my pain, readers!

Still, better go to work, I suppose.

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Saturday, November 22, 2003

Even The President Of The United States Sometimes Must Have To Stand Naked

Yes indeed, I *am* alive and well, thanks for asking, and I can assure you that rumours that ever since Robyn described me as a buxom nurse I haven't been able to stop playing with myself are entirely unfounded.

Last night I went to see the estimable Mr Zimmerman at Birmingham NEC. Although I possess several of his albums I'm not sufficiently au fait with all the great man's back catalogue so I'll steer you in this direction for the full setlist and detailed reviews of the gig. It all started a bit ominously as second song in it was almost as painful to listen to 'It's All Over Now, Baby Blue' as it evidently was for Bob to croak his way through it. At this point, it seemed wise for Dylan to call a halt to his non-stop globetrotting tour and put his feet up with a year's supply of cherry Soothers before he ever considered singing again.

But to everyone's relief Bob managed to pull it together and if anything this show had a little more oomph to it than last year, and he certainly seemed to have a renewed spring to his step for an old feller. My personal favourite from the show was Can't Wait from the Time Out Of Mind album while nearby purists waxed lyrical about the insertion of lively renditions of the apposite Look Ma, I'm Only Bleeding and Highway 61 Revisited. All in all, it was an entertaining evening, and thanks are due to Gisbourne for driving us all, and also for his expert carpark nudging exit techniques, which ensured we got home in time for the minor matter of a certain rugby match taking place in the Southern Hemisphere this morning.

Well, we've had the past tense, we're in the present tense, and hopefully there will always be a future tense, but I suggest an additional definition of tense: rugby world cup final tense as my nerves were stretched as thin as badly-worn chickenwire until Jonny Wilkinson finally put the Aussies to the sword with a dropkick in the final minute of extra-time. The Aussies fought hard and in the end took defeat graciously but I felt that, despite some slack play in the second half, the better, stronger side won and deservedly became World Champions.

One last thought before we put the rugby to bed with a nice cup of hot cocoa and get back to concentrating on soccer: given that their side contained players like Stirling Mortlock, Elton Flatley (the bastard lovechild of...? [shudders]) and Wendell Sailor, is Australia just a nation full of cruel parents? Hmm?

Meanwhile, what else has been happening in my blogging absence? Well, of course, the Michael Jackson arrest and charges, and if you haven't got to see it yet here's his mugshot. The Wackster's beginning to look more and more like Pee Wee Herman, don't you think? This probably isn't a good thing in his current predicament, methinks.

Also, another week, another rack of dead celebrities. Long-faced On The Buses star Bob Grant has punched his last ticket after gassing himself at the age of 71. Fellow small screen star Gene Anthony Ray (aka Leroy from Fame) has been seriously ill for many years now but has finally succumbed to complications from a stroke, aged 41. Irene Cara, however, is still on course to meet her ambitions to 'live forever' at the time of posting. But, proving that dead celebrities are like Premiership footballers in that they only appear to come in threes, Grammy award-winning film composer Michael Kamen went. He was 55.

And finally, this just in from the gosh-who'd-have-thought-it dept. BRMC open up about their influences to The Guardian, sample quote being: 'the world went from black-and-white to colour the moment I heard Ride'. Maybe then they should lend a copy of the 'Chelsea Girl' ep to whoever designs their compulsively monochromatic record covers?

Right then, that's yer lot for now, I'm off to a fancy-dress party where I get to shake it like a polaroid picture in the name of celebrating Timbo's birthday. Alcoholic poisoning notwithstanding, more updates tomorrow.

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Monday, November 10, 2003

Hey Ya (Oh Oh)

So I'm back. Sorry about the gap in transmission, had to see a woman about a dog. No, seriously. Stop sniggering at the back there. I also had an unnerving encounter with a trojan up my back entrance. Fell teasingly short of my prostate gland, though. I should have figured something was up, because I've been feeling a little horse for weeks.

So what with this, and The Hammers conspiring to give away a three-goal head start and lose 4-3 to West Brom it's been a bit of a strange weekend. Looks like another pointless promotion for the boomeranging Baggies then, and playoffs at best for West Ham as they adjust to life under new boss Alan Pardew.

So, what have I missed? Well, The Princess has been busy in my absence, secreting various pictures of herself in semi-undress all over her site. Can you find them, readers? I think you'll consider them worth your while, if ever so slightly not-safe-for-work. Meanwhile, Paulos and Mo Morgan have returned to the blogging fray following lengthy absences from the frontline. Do I smell some Guardian prizes in the air? Could be...

You may also be interested to know that the luminous Anna-Lynne Williams from Trespassers William (or at the very least, someone purporting to be her) has taken the time to write in to Parallax View. She observes that I've been so complimentary about her on these pages, and wonders whether this means we're distant family. Which proves she's as ridiculously modest as she is talented. 'Fraid we're not related, Anna-Lynne, though that could change if you accept my hand in marriage.

Ms Williams was too reticent to mention it, but Trespassers William have their second album Different Stars out in the shops here in the UK as of this week. Haven't snagged myself a copy of it yet, but if taster single and former Parallax View single of the week Vapour Trail is anything to go by it'll be full of gorgeous melodies and shimmering soundscapes, so an investigation is recommended.

Nice to think some semi-famous folk visit these pages anyway, and it makes a change from Cheryl Tweedy's legal team. But hey, maybe Brett Anderson reads these pages as just a couple of weeks after I solemnly declared 'it's difficult to see where Suede go from here apart from splitting up' that's just what they've gone and blimmin' done. If there is a good thing to come out of this, it certainly makes it a hell of a lot more possible for Brett to get back together with original guitarist/songwriter Bernard Butler (currently semi-retired from the business?). I know there are people of power and influence who read this weblog, so make it happen people.

What with accurately predicting bands' futures and bringing you the scoop about the blogging call-girl a full week ahead of the rest of the blogging herd I really have been treating regular readers with up-to-the-minute cutting-edge poop. All this, and Kirsty Gallacher dripping wet in black skimpies for Maxim December 2003 too.

Of course I got the tip about the blogging call-girl via Brooke so it's only fair I should point you to this recent post on her site. It's beautifully written stuff and is my favourite weblog post ever, ever, ever...or at least until Robyn uses the 'c' word again. It's got the lot...nudity (but, bien sur); meteors; lung cancer; lost love; flashback structure; the invention of the criminal database and upper lips curved like spoons. In fact, I loved it so much I bought the film rights, and Julia Roberts' people are already telling me their client's OK with the nudity in return for the 'kudos' of playing the woman who single-handedly invented DNA.

Just kiddin', Brooke baby, I'm loving your work as ever. And don't worry, those polaroids are safe with me.

Tomorrow, there will be content. Or perhaps there'll be discontent. And just maybe if I have my dancing shoes on there'll be disco content. Glitterballs will be optional.

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Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Eliza Dushku (gesundheit!)Tru Faith

Thanks to Uncle Grambo at whatevs.org for the word up on the new US TV series Tru Calling. It sounds like a fairly derivative mix of 24; Groundhog Day and Run Lola Run but look, I'm telling you the plot, and that's really not necessary because let's be honest about it, this is a webpage-thin excuse for a gratuitous picture of the series' real star: Eliza Dushku's cleavage (pictured right).

And given that this is the only way I have to get Robyn feeling funny in the tummy, I'll take every chance I can get.

Meanwhile, in the world of soccer, Leeds United somehow managed to haemorrhage £50m in just one year which not surprisingly represents a record loss. I feel so much better about my credit card bills now.

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Sunday, October 12, 2003

Well, it's a lazy Sunday evening, and my energy levels are low from a combination of hangover recovery and anticipation of the working week ahead, so instead of coming up with any content myself, I'll point you in the direction of 100 Things About Robyn Wilder (or whatever her name is) a handy cut-and-paste guide for all of her online stalkers, of whom I am of course the Honorary President.

For those of you too indolent to click on the above link, highlights include the fact that she was once offered a job by Babes In Toyland; has hobnobbed with Bjork; can say cunt in Italian and oh, she's not a lesbian but Eliza Dushku (gesundheit!) still makes her feel funny in the tummy. She also owns up to having had a Brazilian - so now we know how Ronaldo got that goofy grin of his.

I know that some will say that by linking to this I'm encouraging Ms Wilder's narcissism. But truth be told, it's her very narcissism that I find most attractive about her. But although there are few people I'd rather share a chocolate biscuit and a mug of hot tea with on an autumn evening, given Robyn's views on prevaricating, pretentious lovecheats, perhaps it's best I keep my distance.

I'm not quite ready yet to expand my Italian vocabulary that far.

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Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Apologies for the unexpected gap in blogging transmission, partly due to the usual Faliraki-style bacchalanian excess but also partly due to a pretty serious case of the squits (and if that's what one day at the Reading Rock Festival does to me, at least it establishes once and for all that I literally no longer have the stomach to do Glasto ever again). You'll be relieved to know that the latrines at HQ have been thoroughly hosed and defumigated and updates here at Parallax View are set to recommence with pretty much immediate effect.

In the meantime, best wishes to Nush Nowak (whose mischievous wit graced Big Brother 4) for a speedy recovery from horrific injuries sustained in a late-night mugging. Also, belated birthday wishes to Robyn who turned 28 at the weekend.

Other news in brief...Billie Piper set to bare bum on British TV (well, if she wants to...)...Courtney Love has done a nude lesbian photoshoot with model Ekaterina Hlebanova for Dutch magazine (there's a joke in there about tulips but I'll leave you to finish that one off yourself)...The Strokes reveal new album title: Room On Fire (is that it?)...The Observer interviews Douglas Coupland...and finally, The Venice Film Festival gets saucy at 60.

Ah, the end of the August Bank Holiday signals for many the end of the British summer, and although the good weather could yet hold for another month or so, the nights will start to close in pretty sharpish from now on. Still, there should be some good reading due for the Autumn, as these Bookmunch reviews of new books by Chuck Palahniuk and Douglas Coupland would seem to attest. Both books are set to hit the shelves next week.

Also, as some of you will be aware, The Hammers sacked boss Glenn Roeder during my blogging absence. The sad but inevitable conclusion to a decent man being promoted beyond his ability, I'm afraid, but I wish him well for the future, as long as it never again involves mismanaging my beloved football club.

My choice for successor ('cos I know you're dying to ask) would be either Reading's Alan Pardew or former Arsenal boss George Graham, but it's looking increasingly likely the choice will be Oldham's Iain Dowie who is currently working out of contract (and therefore won't require compensation payments for him to be released). Whoever it is, I wish them luck - they'll bloody well need it, make no mistake.

Back atcha soon with my Reading Festival recollections!

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Monday, August 11, 2003

Just a quick post to reassure my worried little citizens that I'm safely back at HQ and ready to renew blogging activity. You may also be relieved to hear I've toned down the excessive enthusiasm and unusual candour of my previous Scandanavian-based bloggage and will return to my more familiar wry cynicism, withering sarcasm and oblique caginess from now on. That's what jetlag; a dicky tummy and the rigours of British public transport do for you, I'm afraid.

I haven't really got much of a clue what I'll be writing about this week but there will almost certainly be my Premiership preview/predictions and there's a better-than-average chance of a review of the Big Brother 4 Uncut DVD. There's a possibility of further reminiscences of Stockholm and I might even pull my finger out and find some links for you. Anyone who's spotted anything of interest during my absence please feel free to get in touch with your suggestion(s).

With Robyn in mourning; Anja on vacation and BoneyBoy off to Italy for four weeks, I'm all too aware you all need me now more than ever. Duty calls, Dead Kenny answers. But only after he gets himself some serious kip.

Meanwhile, just spotted this sad news: Actor/dancer Gregory Hines dead at 57.

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